July 20: When Your Gift Gets Diminished

Scripture Focus: Romans 12:6-8

"Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us exercise them: if prophecy, in proportion to the faith; if ministry, in ministering; if one is a teacher, in teaching; if one exhorts, in exhortation; if one contributes, in generosity; if one is over others, with diligence; if one does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." — Romans 12:6-8 (NABRE)

Last week, we went deep into distortion — how the enemy severs our primary gift from its source, use, and purpose, and how God's Providence reorders everything the enemy has disordered.

We closed with this truth: the enemy cannot permanently corrupt what God has declared good.

This week, we're going one layer deeper. Because there is something the enemy does that is even more insidious than distortion.

He diminishes.

Diminishment is deeper than distortion, because it inherently involves a level of distortion. As we discussed last week, if your primary gift is diminished, another gift will become developed in a distorted way — and the restlessness that comes from doing things in a misaligned way sits on top of a deeper feeling: despair.

(Haven't identified your Primary Gift yet? Discover it today at growinyourgifts.com)

Paul's instruction in Romans 12:6-8 is deceptively simple: exercise your gift. Use it. Develop it. Grow in it.

But notice what Paul does not say. He doesn't say acquire your gift, or perform your gift, or monetize your gift. He says exercise it — and then he tells you exactly how each gift is meant to be exercised. This is where Paul's language becomes one of the most practical frameworks we have for understanding what it looks like to use our gifts in a divinely directed way.

The Judge — "if prophecy, in proportion to the faith." The gift of prophecy is a gift of PERCEPTION, not simply prediction. The Judge sees what others cannot easily see — patterns, misalignments, spiritual realities beneath the surface. But Paul's instruction is precise: this gift must be exercised in proportion to the faith, focused on sharing what God calls you to share, not what your own discernment has decided needs to be said. The Judge who exercises their gift well is not a critic — they are a faithful witness to what God is revealing.

The Professor — "if one is a teacher, in teaching." The Professor's gift is to systematically instruct others in a way that imparts WISDOM — to perpetuate the faith across generations. Paul says this gift is exercised in teaching, which means by prioritizing divine truth and safeguarding doctrine. The Professor who exercises their gift well is not simply sharing information — they are building a foundation that outlasts them.

The Coach — "if one exhorts, in exhortation." Exhortation is a gift of ENCOURAGEMENT — inspiring and calling others to action, growth, and healing. Paul says this gift is exercised in exhortation, which means by uplifting others and pointing them toward God's truth and promises. The Coach who exercises their gift well is not simply motivating people toward their own vision — they are calling people toward God's.

The CEO — "if one is over others, with diligence." The gift of leadership is a gift of ADMINISTRATION — organizing people, systems, and resources to achieve a shared Kingdom goal. Paul says this gift is exercised with diligence, which means leading with care, responsibility, and a servant's heart. The CEO who exercises their gift well is not building their own empire — they are stewarding God's.

The Consoler — "if one does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." The gift of mercy involves providing deep EMPATHY and emotional support to those who are hurting or in need. Paul says this gift is exercised with cheerfulness, which means offering grace and holding space without resentment or burden. The Consoler who exercises their gift well is not comforting others to feel needed — they are reflecting God's mercy freely, without keeping score.

The Steward — "if one contributes, in generosity." The gift of giving focuses on strategically managing and distributing RESOURCES to advance the Kingdom. Paul says this gift is exercised in generosity, which means holding resources with an open hand and giving freely as directed. The Steward who exercises their gift well is not hoarding or controlling — they are a conduit for God's provision.

The Taskmaster — "if ministry, in ministering." The gift of service is dedicated to executing practical tasks and ensuring the FOUNDATIONAL WORK is completed. Paul says this gift is exercised in ministering, which means serving faithfully and reliably where the practical needs are greatest. The Taskmaster who exercises their gift well is not simply getting things done — they are building the infrastructure of the Kingdom.

This is what it looks like to exercise your gift. Not perfectly — but intentionally, surrendered to the specific way God designed it to function.

But what happens when someone has spent years — sometimes decades — being told, directly or indirectly, that their gift is wrong, too much, not useful, not appropriate, or not safe?

What happens when the gift has been suppressed so long that the person has stopped believing it exists at all?

That is diminishment. And it is one of the most heartbreaking things we encounter in the work we do with entrepreneurs and leaders.

1. What Diminishment Actually Does to a Person

Our souls grieve when they are unable to express their God-given design.

Depression, substance use and addiction, weariness and pessimism, and rumination all begin to grow deep within, choking the roots of God's design.

The restlessness that comes from living in a misaligned way doesn't just sit on the surface — it settles into the bones.

It becomes the water we swim in, so familiar that we stop noticing how unclear our surroundings really are.

Whenever I have a depressed, anxious, or resigned person sit in front of me and share their experience, there is always diminishment.

This person has lost — or subconsciously suppressed — their ability to dream, to pray to God, and to confidently ask for what their heart desires.

Sometimes, they don't even realize how suppressed their primary gift is, because they've spent decades pretending it didn't exist or didn't matter.

And this is what makes diminishment so much harder to address than distortion: at least with distortion, the gift is still being used.

With diminishment, the person has often stopped believing the gift is theirs to use at all.

Our gifts are developed as we grow by learning how to take action in alignment with Divine Providence, fueled by passion, and rooted in patience and perseverance. Diminishment often happens before we have learned or matured in these three areas — before we've had the chance to discover what we're truly capable of when we lean into what God designed us to do.

Some people have more naturally willful personalities and persist in developing their gifts regardless of what the world says about them — though they are more likely to end up distorted rather than divinely directed, because willfulness without surrender still misses the mark.

But even for the strongest-willed among us, we can be swayed to hide our God-given gifts, to pretend we don't deserve joy from the places we do, to will ourselves to be different than how we were designed — all in an attempt to make our loved ones (or even God) "happy."

2. Where Diminishment Comes From

This can be especially confusing when the people telling you to diminish your gifts also claim to love God and follow Jesus.

As children, we see our parents and elders as God-like. So if they imply — or outright state — that our desires and motivations are unholy, sinful, disrespectful, or not in alignment with God's word, this can change our understanding of God, our relationships with ourselves and others, and our relationship with Jesus in massive ways.

Take the little girl who loves to talk and teach, whose parents use 1 Timothy to explain why she was not allowed to teach in the Church — or be a street evangelist.

Or the boy who loves to fix old cars and radios and play music, who is told that he has to use his intelligence for something more practical.

Or the girl who dreams of being a Christian missionary, traveling the world and offering mercy and consolation to the poor and suffering, who is told she's "too naive" to go on "dangerous trips" — who should just become a therapist and work from an office.

Each of these children received a clear message: the way God made you is not enough. Change it.

And so they did. They buried the gift. They developed something else — something more acceptable, more practical, more palatable to the people around them.

And years later, they sit across from me wondering why nothing feels right, why they're exhausted, why the work they've built doesn't satisfy them the way they thought it would.

That is the fruit of diminishment.

It is not always malicious. Most of the time, the people who diminished our gifts were doing what they believed was right — protecting us, preparing us, loving us the best way they knew how.

But the impact is the same regardless of the intention. When a gift is consistently told it has no place, it goes underground. And what goes underground doesn't disappear — it festers.

3. How We Shift from Diminishment to Development

Here is the good news: diminishment is not the end of the story.

God gave you your primary gift for good, for a reason. And what God gives, He governs.

The same Providence that reorders distortion also reorders diminishment — but our cooperation matters.

Paul's instruction is not passive: exercise your gifts. There is an active, intentional movement required on our part, and it happens in four specific ways.

1) Grow in Providence. (Fruits of meekness and joy) Trust God with all of your past and current pain. Trust that He has always been with you, willing your good — that He wants you to use what has happened to you to help others.

This is where we begin: not with action, but with grief and faith.

Grieve what was lost.
Grieve the years spent operating from the wrong gift, the decades of pretending your true gift didn't matter.
And at the bottom of all that grief, uncover the moments of joy that were hidden beneath all of your pain and suffering.

And then, once you have clearly seen the waters you swam in for what they were — commit to growing in faith, trusting and praising God for His loving presence in all of it, ordering your past for your future good and His glory.

2) Grow in Passion. (Fruits of love and kindness)

Passion isn't simply intense love the way that romance novels portray it. In fact, the Latin root of the word actually means "to suffer" — this is why we refer to Jesus' torture and crucifixion as the Passion.

Once we've learned to release our grief and find the good in the pain we experienced in our diminishment, we must ask ourselves a vital question:

What am I even MORE passionate about now?

What now motivates me so much that I would be willing to suffer MORE loss, pain, or even death for it?

The answer to this question is a Divine nudge toward the purpose of your primary motivational gift. It shows you the people, situations, and circumstances where you'd be willing to go through trials and tribulations in order to alleviate someone else's suffering.

3) Grow in Perseverance and Persistence. (Fruit of discipline)

Once you've discovered your passion, it's time to get practical.

When you find what you are deeply passionate about, you must be intentional in aligning how you move with how God has designed you and your primary gifting — because passion without surrendered alignment will simply become distortion.

But passion that is surrendered to God, and directed toward His will through your primary gift, becomes the fuel that sustains a life of faithful service.

If you're going to align your passion with your primary motivational gift, you're going to need to GROW into your gift — and this means you're going to have to get UNCOMFORTABLE.

Wherever our gifts are diminished, we usually have restricted distress tolerance.

Distress tolerance is not a secular therapeutic concept, but a spiritual discipline. It's the ability to sit with discomfort, to stay the course when it is hard, and to keep showing up in the ways God wills — even when it doesn't feel productive or validated.

To see where you need to develop your distress tolerance, ask yourself honestly:

1. Where have you been avoiding the growth your gift requires because it is uncomfortable?
2. What do you need to learn, practice, try, or improve to grow in this area?
3. What feelings do you need to get comfortable feeling that you've always avoided?

From there, pray for God to show you your best next step. Ask Him to reveal the ONE thing that, if you focused on doing it next, would develop your gifts in a divine direction — no matter how uncomfortable it feels.

4) Grow in Patience. (Fruits of patience and faithfulness)

The last piece of developing a diminished primary gift is deepening our willingness to suffer and endure in accordance with God's timing.

This is the hardest step for many, because we live in a world that rewards speed, visibility, and immediate results. (Un)fortunately, none of those ways are how God typically works.

The gifts He develops most deeply are the ones that have been refined slowly, through seasons of hiddenness, through years of faithful practice without recognition.

Be willing to wait, and to trust that the timing is His, not yours.

These four areas — Providence, Passion, Perseverance, and Patience — are not a checklist. Instead, they are fruits that grow in the heart of a person who assumes a surrendered posture, who has stopped fighting against the way God made them and started leaning into it, wholly and without apology.

That context?

It changes EVERYTHING about how we grow in our gifts.

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